100 Funny Time Puns That Will Make You Happy

We have gathered 100 funny time jokes, hilarious one liners, and the best time puns to cheer you up. These time jokes are perfect for both children and adults to enjoy!

All of these time one liners, puns, and funny jokes are generally family friendly and can be enjoyed by people of all ages.

Time Puns

Here is the list of the best time puns. So sit back, relax, find your favorite puns about time, and get ready to enjoy a pun-tastic journey into the world of time!

1. Did you hear about the watch that went to therapy? It had too many ticks.
2. Why did the scarecrow become a great historian? He had plenty of straw to make history with.
3. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. Now I’m into clocks, making a lot of “thyme” instead.
4. The pessimist’s favorite clock is the “doom” and gloom model.
5. What do you call a group of musical watches? A “timely” band.
6. My clock and I are in a race. It’s winning, but I’m “killing time.”
7. The clock was hungry, so it went back four seconds.
8. When the clock’s hands are cold, they’re known to go “numb-ers.”
9. What do you call a timepiece that can dance? A “tick-tock” dancer.
10. A wristwatch once said, “I’m hands down the best accessory!”
11. The calendar’s days are numbered, but it’s still a busy “month.”
12. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
13. The watch couldn’t jump off the wall, so it got “second thoughts.”
14. The watch collector’s motto: “Time’s on my side.”
15. Have you heard about the clock that’s always late? It’s “tardy” to the party.
16. Did you hear about the watch’s love life? It had a “second” date!
17. The stopwatch told the clock, “I’m ahead of you!”
18. The antique clock said, “I’m just getting old; time’s not on my side.”
19. What did one clock say to another? “We’ve got to stop meeting like this!”
20. Did you hear about the watch that wanted to be famous? It was seeking “time” in the spotlight.
21. The stopwatch is terrible at relationships. It can never “count on” commitment.
22. What did the digital clock say when it was replaced? “It’s a hard time finding a good replacement!”
23. I went to a clock’s wedding, but it was a “second” ceremony.
24. The clock decided to retire early—it couldn’t stand the “second” hand stress.
25. Did you hear about the time-traveling clock? It went back four “seconds” too many.
26. The broken clock was twice right every day. Talk about “timing” it right!
27. What’s a time traveler’s favorite accessory? A “clock”et watch.
28. The clock told the calendar, “You’ve got a lot of dates, but I’ve got the “hours.”
29. The stopwatch was so happy, it was “ticking” all the boxes.
30. I tried to make a clock out of cheese, but I couldn’t find the “cheddar” hand.
31. Why did the clock always feel inspired? It had “minute” to think.
32. The clock’s favorite vacation spot? “Hour”lando, of course!
33. The wristwatch decided to get fit—it started “watching” its calories.
34. Have you heard about the watch that broke up with the calendar? It needed “space” to heal.
35. The clock faced discrimination—it was told to “watch” its tone.
36. Did you know clocks and calendars are best friends? They have great “dates” together.
37. The clock always told the best bedtime stories—it had “hour”ror tales.
38. I told my clock a joke, but it didn’t “tick”le its fancy.
39. The clock got a promotion—it moved up a “level” in the company.
40. What do you call a clock that’s always hungry? “Second” breakfast!
41. The digital clock joined a band—it wanted to “rock” around the clock.
42. My alarm clock went off on vacation—it needed a “wake”cation.
43. The Clock’s favorite movie? “Pulp “Fiction,” naturally.
44. What’s a clock’s favorite flavor of ice cream? “Time” to choose vanilla!
45. I wanted to give my watch away, but I didn’t have the “minute” to spare.
46. Did you hear about the time traveler who won a marathon? He was “ahead” of his time!
47. The clock wanted to become a DJ—it had great “beats” after all.
48. I tried to fix my broken clock, but I couldn’t find the “right time.”
49. Why did the clock go on a diet? It wanted to shed a few “seconds.”
50. The clock’s favorite game? “Tick” tac toe, of course!

Time One Liners

Here is our top list of time one liners. Find your favorite one liner about time, enjoy it, and share it with your friends and family.

51. I used to play hide and seek with my watch, but it always found the time.
52. My alarm clock and I have something in common – we both wake up grumpy.
53. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
54. The calendar’s days are numbered – quite literally.
55. I told my computer I needed more ‘RAM’ – Relaxed And More time.
56. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough, but now I’m all about that ‘dough’ as in money.
57. The best time to open a can of worms? When you’re fishing.
58. I finally realized why I can’t lose weight – I’m just too heavy on the ‘cake.’
59. My friend asked me for a loan to buy a new watch. I asked, ‘What’s the ‘time’line for repayment?’
60. I asked my clock for a loan, but it didn’t have enough ‘minute’s.
61. I decided to study time management, but I never found the ‘hour’ to do it.
62. My dad always says, ‘Time to turn over a new leaf.’ I prefer to just buy a new calendar.
63. I can’t stand digital clocks; they always seem to be ‘second’ guessing themselves.
64. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest over ‘time.’
65. I’m on a seafood diet – I see food and eat it… in my ‘free time.’
66. Don’t trust an atom – they make up everything, even ‘time.’
67. I thought I wanted a career in time travel, but then realized it’s not ‘in the cards.’
68. I’m on a health kick – I’ve decided to run out of excuses and into ‘exercise time.’
69. I’m like a clock; I can’t ‘hour’der things for long.
70. I asked my watch if it wanted a snack – it said it had ‘no second’ thoughts.
71. My dad always said, ‘Time is money.’ No wonder I’m always broke!
72. Why do clocks always seem so calm? They have ‘second’ hands.
73. I tried to change my clock’s batteries, but it resisted. It said I was ‘wasting its time.’
74. I asked my calendar if it wanted to go out, but it had too many ‘dates’ already.
75. Why did the clock go to therapy? It had too many ‘ticks’ of anxiety.
76. I asked my watch if it liked telling time – it said it was just ‘killing time.’
77. My cat is a great timekeeper; it always takes a ‘paws’ when it’s nap time.
78. I told my watch it needs to find a ‘second’ career. It’s time for a change!
79. I tried to teach my clock to sing, but it always sang ‘off-key‘ – just like its alarm.
80. Why did the clock go to the gym? It wanted to work on its ‘hands-on’ fitness.
81. I asked my watch if it wanted to dance, but it said it had ‘two left hands.’
82. I tried to teach my calendar a magic trick, but it couldn’t ‘disappear’ any days.
83. My watch told me it wanted to be an actor – it’s great at ‘watching’ scenes unfold.
84. My watch and I are best friends – we’re always ‘ticking’ each other off.
85. I tried to give my clock a compliment, but it said I was just ‘wasting time.’
86. Why was the calendar always calm? It knew how to ‘take things in stride.’
87. I told my clock it was amazing – it said it had a ‘timely’ sense of humor.
88. My watch and I share a special bond – it always helps me ‘watch’ my weight.
89. Why don’t digital clocks ever get invited to parties? They’re too ‘square.
90. I asked my watch if it had any regrets – it said it should’ve ‘wound down’ sooner.

10 Best Time Jokes

These special time jokes and puns are some of our best and funniest ones about time!

91. Why don’t scientists trust atoms when it comes to keeping time? Because they’re always splitting seconds!
92. What did the big clock say to the little clock? “You’re too young to ‘face’ all these ‘ticking’ problems!”
93. Why was the math book sad about time? Because it had too many problems, and no matter how hard it tried, it couldn’t ‘solve’ them!
94. Did you hear about the guy who invented the calendar? He had his days numbered from the very ‘start’!
95. Why did the alarm clock get kicked out of school? It kept ringing in the ‘wrong class’ every hour!
96. What did the hourglass say to the sundial? “I bet you can’t count ‘sunny’ days as precisely as I can!”
97. Why did the scarecrow become a clock? It wanted to ‘spring ahead’ and have a ‘timely’ career change!
98. How do you make time fly? Give it a pair of wings and a ‘minute’ to think about where it wants to go!
99. Why did the watch go to therapy? It had too many ‘ticks’ of stress and needed someone to help it ‘wind down’!
100. What did one clock say to the other clock at the dance? “I think we’re a ‘perfect match’ – we’ve got great ‘timing’!”

10 Funny Facts about Time

Here are some funny and interesting facts about time.

1. Time is like a superhero: it can fly, but it can’t save you from a boring party.
2. If time travel were real, I’d go back and find out who invented Mondays.
3. Did you know that procrastination has its own time zone? It’s called “Just A Little While Longer.”
4. Time can be tricky. It’s the only thing that can make your weekend feel like it’s on fast-forward and your workday feel like it’s on slow-motion.
5. Imagine if you could save time in a jar – I’d probably misplace the jar!
6. Time is like a library book – the moment you start enjoying it, it’s due back.
7. Want to know the secret to time management? It’s writing a to-do list and then losing it!
8. Ever notice how the time on the clock in math class goes by at a snail‘s pace? But the clock during recess? It’s in Formula 1 mode!
9. Fact: Time flies faster when you’re having fun, but it’s on vacation when you’re waiting for a download to finish.
10. Have you ever realized that “now” is just the point between “not enough time” and “too late”?

Final Thoughts

We hope these time jokes brought a smile to your face! If you’re looking for more laughs, be sure to check out our other hilarious collections of miscellaneous jokes.
Don’t forget to share with your friends and family. Have Fun!